• I am tired.

    by  • March 7, 2013 • Essays • Comments Off

    I am tired of rape culture in the gaming world.

    I am tired of having men be the arbiters of who gets to be a “real” gamer.

    I am tired of sometimes remaining silent because I don’t want to be dismissed as “that feminist who only talks about rape culture”.

    I am tired of being in situations where I have to choose between feeling comfortable and starting an argument.

    I am tired of feeling unsafe for the mere act of expressing an opinion.

    I am tired of maintaining mental lists of “guys that are safe”, “guys that are probably safe”, and “guys that are not safe”.

    I am also tired of maintaining mental lists of “guys that Get It”, “guys who mean well but sometimes fuck up”, and “guys it’s just not worth talking to”.

    I am tired of not being allowed to have boundaries.

    I am tired of feeling triggered and remaining silent because I don’t have the mental energy to deal with the bullshit that would arise from speaking out.

    I am tired of hearing rape jokes.

    I am tired of hearing my friends tell rape jokes.

    I am tired of hearing friends who know about my experience of sexual assault casually compare game defeats to rape.

    I am tired of sometimes having a moment of fear for my safety when I read particularly vociferous condemnations of me online.

    I am tired of asking men to walk me to my hotel or my parking spot while I am at gaming conventions.

    I am tired of not talking about the details of my assault, which happened at a gaming convention, because I know that I will be disbelieved, blamed, or both.

    I am tired of game scenarios that feature rape.

    I am tired of game settings that feature rape.

    I am tired of game mechanics that feature rape.

    I am tired of game creators and designers defending rape in their creations as “realistic” or “grim” or “gritty” or “historical”.

    I am tired of men who write rape being praised for their “creative vision”.

    I am tired of seeing people who speak out against rape in popular game material denounced as crazy fascists who hate freedom.

    I am tired of gamers who complain when games that feature rape are banned, not translated, or otherwise not made available for English-speaking audiences.

    I am tired of being happy that while I’ve been called fat, ugly, crazy, and gay, at least no one has ever threatened to rape me.

    I am tired of knowing that men threaten to rape women who venture into gaming spaces, virtual or real, every day and face no consequences.

    I am tired of seeing anti-harassment policies become the butt of jokes.

    I am tired of men who argue against anti-harassment policies claiming that it will “criminalize just talking to a woman”.

    I am tired of anti-harassment policies not being enforced.

    I am tired of men who demand to see the tits of female gamers.

    I am tired of men who send pictures of their penis to female gamers.

    I am tired of men who confuse costumes with consent.

    I am tired of seeing women that I admire being threatened, intimidated, and harassed.

    I am tired of sometimes being so afraid for my daughter as a future gamer that I feel like I can’t breathe.

    I am just SO. FUCKING. TIRED.

    avatar

    About

    I’m an occasional game illustrator, and game designer, long-time LARPer, and player of tabletop roleplaying games (mostly indie games). I have a terminal addiction to board games. I also play both PC and console games – mainly RPGs of all stripes, but I do enjoy puzzle games like Katamari as well. My main source of gaming notoriety, however, is the feminist gaming blog Go Make Me a Sandwich. In addition to being a cranky feminist blogger, I am a photographer and somewhat half-assed writer living in the wilds of Canada with a wonderful spouse and two slightly broken cats.

    http://gomakemeasandwich.wordpress.com

    Comments are closed.